Monday, May 24, 2010

Humor in the Scriptures

Is it disrespectful to say that there is humor in the Scriptures? The Bible was not written to make us laugh but to show us the way of life. However, in showing humans how God has called them to live you can bet that we mere mortals will say and do things in less than a divine way! Some day, I hope to write a book on my life in the ministry. My book will not be a serious theological epistle (there are plenty of those), but rather an account that shows the humorous side of my calling. Perhaps this blog will give me the incentive to pursue my goal as I look at the humorous side of the Holy Scriptures.

Did you know that Job in the Old Testament could have used what we use everyday? Job needed mouthwash or at least some breath mints! How do I know this? Job’s wife is mentioned only twice in the book that bears his name. First, she urges her husband to “curse God and die.” Secondly, she complains about his “repulsive breath”. Check out Job 19:17 and thank God the next time you reach for your Listerine.

What is probably the most ridiculous piece of legal advice ever is found in Matthew 28:13. Don’t worry it doesn’t come from the disciples - and certainly not from the mouth of our Lord - but rather from the mouth of the Chief Priests. The body of Jesus had disappeared from the tomb. What were the soldiers supposed to do now? The advice given to them was; “You must say, His disciples came by night and stole him away while you were asleep.” Now I ask you, “How would they know who stole the body if they were asleep?”

Did you know that there was a knock knock joke in the Bible? Read the story of Peter’s escape from prison in Acts 18. There was a prayer meeting being held at the home of Mary. No doubt they were praying about many things not the least for Peter’s release from prison. In the midst of their prayers they heard a knocking at the gate. Who would be disturbing their prayer time? A servant girl by the name of Rhoda was sent to the gate. Who was standing at the gate but Peter (God had miraculously delivered him from prison 12:6-11). Poor Rhoda was so excited that she left Peter standing at the gate and rushed in to tell the others. The group of earnest prayer seekers found it difficult to believe that God had answered their prayers and claimed that Rhoda had seen a ghost. Meanwhile poor Peter kept on knocking!

Jill (my wife) and I had a good chuckle over this one. We had just read as our evening devotions the story of Paul writing to his good friend Philemon. Apparently, Paul’s friend had a slave who had run away (a very very serious crime). The slave’s name was Onesimus. The path of Onesimus and Paul crossed and they had become not only good friends but Onesimus had also become a Christian. The apostle urged his young friend to return to his owner. Paul then wrote Philemon and interceded on behalf of Onesimus. Philemon could have his slave thrown into jail or even worse put to death. But, by the grace of God Philemon was also a believer and Paul urged him to take his slave back and treat him not as a runaway slave but as a brother in Christ. Paul tells Philemon how helpful Onesimus has been and that he is a changed man and then (here’s the chuckle line) so as to press his point home Paul says to Philemon in v: 19 “I’m not going to remind you that you owe me your very life. One thing more, prepare a guest room for me.” How could poor old Philemon say no?

Were these guys serious? The disciples of Jesus had gone into a Samaritan town to pick up some food supplies. Now Samaritans and Jews didn’t always get along with each other. The Samaritans refused to sell any supplies to the disciples. To say that the disciples were “ticked off” is an understatement. Two of the most outspoken of the disciples (James and John) went to Jesus with their solution; “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them (Luke 9:54).” Remember this one the next time a sales clerk gives you a hard time.

Did Jesus ever laugh? Although the Bible does not specifically state that Jesus laughed I am certain that He did. How can I be so certain? Take children on your knee or in your arms as He did in Mark 10:13-16 and look at them with a straight face. Jesus laughed!

The Bible is a very serious book, the Bible is a Holy Book but the Bible also is a book that describes people who can and who do laugh.
(drawings by Jean Keaton)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Getting Our Hands Dirty!

Isn’t it fantastic! I love it! Working in the garden getting my hands dirty! A member of the congregation (Donald) and me split the cost of a little roto-tiler. Gardening means work but fresh veggies from your own garden taste fantastic!

It is my prayer that all of us will allow the good Lord to work away at our life in much the same manner as we work away in our yards and gardens. Sometimes we find people who are discouraged, little hope, few goals and in far too many cases their “get up and go” has got up and went! These people go through the motions but there is little joy in their life and they look like a garden during the hot dry summer months (weather-beaten) or in the case of those from the north (winterkill)!

I have good news for you or for someone you know who needs a good pick-me-up! There is life within that old body it just needs a little help. God the Creator is able to breathe new life into his children as surely as He turns seeds into carrots, blossoms into fruit and tired looking flowers into a radiant bouquet. What is needed in order to receive new life is a little water, weeding and fertilizing.


First, with the help of the Holy Spirit go through your life and get rid of all those sins that spoil your image. Gather up your sins and turn them over to the Lord and He will take care of them for you. It’s like taking your garbage to the curb, in the morning it’s gone!

Second, listen and worship with renewed interest at church. Apply to your life as much as possible what you hear and experience. Keep in mind that the message is not always for someone else it’s for you and it’s for me. Garden fertilizer will nourish the soil only if it is taken out of the bag and spread around. Perhaps it is time that we started to apply what for so many years has simply gone in one ear and out the other.

Third, read your Bibles with eager anticipation. God has a word that He would like to share with you but like any letter it has to be opened. I enjoy reading books on how to garden and the Bible is to my life what a gardening book is to my garden. Do not allow God’s book to gather dust on your book shelf.

Fourth, don’t forget to pray. We can go through all the motions and seemingly do all the right things but unless we then turn it all over to God for his showers of blessing, growth will not materialize.

There you have it! Time to get your hands dirty. “Impossible, nothing will happen,” you say? Hey, who would have thought at the beginning of gardening season that there was any life left in the ground but just the other day I saw my potato plants pop up, miracles never cease!

Blessings,

Your Pastor, Friend & Fellow Gardener!

John

Monday, May 10, 2010

My Call to Ministry

I have been a minister in the Presbyterian Church for 34 years. How did I happen to land in this type of a career? Ministers talk about a call to ministry & others wonder what a call is? A call to ministry is not the same for all ministers.

I didn’t hear voices in the middle of the night.

I didn’t see handwriting on the wall.

I didn’t come from a family of ministers.

I grew up in a Christian family (9 of us). We were all used to going to church. Two of my brothers were bankers. I decided to become one as well. I worked for a short period of time with the Bank of Nova Scotia. However, banking wasn’t meant for me. I quit the bank and began looking for another job. There weren’t a lot available! I picked up what used to be a part-time job. I worked at a grocery store (packed groceries, stocked shelves).

One day a friend came in (he was a minister). He told me about three little churches in a rural area that needed a minister. Would I consider serving them as a student minister for a yr. and then begin univ. studies & become a minister? I thought of all the excuses; I’m not a good student, it takes too long, I don’t like speaking in front of people. However, I did agree to serve the churches for a year. When the year was up I looked seriously at university. Lord, I’ll never get through! If I didn’t make it through my first year I knew God didn’t want me (in ministry)! Well I made it through my first year and six more years thereafter.

Since then I have pastured churches in Nova Scotia, Calgary Alberta, Barrie Ontario, the Bahamas, St Marys On. and now here I am in Bermuda!

I believe God not only called me into ministry, but that He called me to all the churches where I have been privileged to serve.


God called me through my family who supported me.

He called me through my friend who said, “John there are these churches.”

He called me through some great teachers while I was at University.

He called me through some wonderful people who loved, accepted & supported me in the churches where I have served.

He called me through a loving a supportive wife and three beautiful daughters.

I never heard a voice, no handwriting on the wall, no flashes of lighting. BUT I know, I have a conviction, a certainty that I am where God always meant me to be. Did I and do I ever experience problems in my ministry in my calling? Absolutely, but a further assurance that I am where God meant me to be is that the good Lord has put up with my weaknesses and has shepherded me through my valleys and pit falls.

Blessings,

John

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

First Impressions

It’s hard to believe but I have been here now for nine months! Where has the time gone??? So what are my impressions of Island life and of ministry here at St Andrews?

First, let me say that I enjoy Island living. Even though Bermuda is only 21 miles long I do as much driving here as I did in many of my former parishes! There is lots to see on the Island, great places to eat and some fantastic shopping. Jill has become quite a tour guide having transported her parents around the Island also our daughter Diana and son-in-law Jeremy plus two staff people along with their children from the ship Logos Hope. SO, if you plan to come for a visit Jill will be happy to show you the sights. Don’t worry after nine months we know what side of the road to drive on! The only catch is that you have to come to church with us on Sunday! Seriously, the Island is a beautiful place to visit, live and explore.

If you were to ask for our church by name (St. Andrews Presbyterian) the locals might have a problem giving you directions. HOWEVER, if you ask for the little pink church they will smile and give you details how to find us. The church is open Monday to Friday 8:30am to 4:00pm for visitors and Sunday at 11:00am for worship. Presently St Andrews is going for quality as opposed to quantity. Our numbers don’t shake the rafters (not yet anyway) but we more than make up for that with lots of smiles and warm hearts. We offer meaningful worship, bible studies, small group meetings, church fun nights, Sunday School, Junior Youth, updated website and a local radio ministry.

I find that there is lots to keep me busy on the Island and at the “little pink church.” I invite you to drop by and pay us a visit.

John